Murder at the Rubicon II
by Ethelfreda
Summary: Murdoch sets out to break the deadlock that is preventing his marrying Julia. It won't be easy. He knows he must deny years of training and faith in order to secure their future together. This dilemma has caused his mood to careen from giddy silliness to desperate melancholy. What he has yet to realize, is that she is in this, as in everything, his partner.
1. Chapter 1

Murdoch at the Rubicon

Chapter 2

_Thanks again to the phenomenal FiBeeN and LemmingDancer. Their guidance and support has been instrumental in bringing this to publication. I thank you both._

_I apologize for the delay. This chapter picks up the morning after the night before. Not quite as silly as Chapter 1 because William faces a personal dilemma. His choice will be a difficult one, but he believes it is more than worth the risk. But before that …_

The first indication that something was amiss was the sound of thousands of birds who seemed to be perched on his bed trying their best to evict him. Seeking confirmation, he opened one eye, and immediately regretted the rash act, because the sun had apparently decided to take up residence outside his window. His mind, resentful of being forced from its restful oblivion and with a cruel sneer, confirmed his suspicions by unleashing the full power of its wrath—his head was going to explode. "Bloody hell!" The next sound was that of his alarm clock crashing against the wall. Inspector Thomas Brackenreid had a hangover.

Detective William Murdoch, on the other hand, was feeling unfairly fine. As his clock chimed six precisely, his eyes snapped open and by quarter to seven, he had washed, shaved, dressed for work, and was heading downstairs for breakfast. Of course, breakfast might be overstating the case though Mrs. Kitchen's breakfasts were the least offensive of her daily attempts at cuisine. Her tea was passable, and buttered toast was tolerable, but how she managed to ruin sausages and eggs simply by frying them was more than he could fathom. It was the opposite of magic. A magician created something wonderful out of almost nothing, whereas Mrs. Kitchen started with perfectly good ingredients and transformed them into inedible agglomerations that she euphemistically referred to as food. It was like a cruel joke, but one that William had long since become immune to. He ate obediently, thanked the lady for her effort and bid her good day.

Stepping outside into the beautiful spring morning, he mounted is bicycle and began his journey to the station house. On the previous evening he had asked for the day off, but he was not certain he had actually received permission from the Inspector, who deflecting the Detective's question, invited him to dinner, which William had little choice but to dutifully accept. Lingering, too, was his memory that the dinner conversation had been steered towards a rather awkward discussion of his sex life. It was somewhat surprising therefore that, William being William and the Inspector being the Inspector, the conversation did not result in harsh words and angry voices. Instead, it had proved to be quite the opposite. The Inspector, with uncanny insight, diagnosed what was ailing the man and suggested a course of treatment (in spite of a lingering discomfit), William was feeling rather grateful to the older man.

As Murdoch arrived at Station House 4, he was smiling widely. This was due entirely to the fact that while he slept, his mind had come through for him — it produced a plan. All the questions and what-ifs had been dealt with, and he now knew what he had to do.

Entering the Station, he found it a subdued place, every eye turned to him apparently pleading for salvation. George practically tiptoed toward him then murmured in his ear that the Inspector had come into the station looking like thunder, had gone directly to his office, posted a "Do Not Disturb" sign before closing the door and drawing the blinds. Every man knew that this foretold an interminable, nerve-wracking day.

Still keeping his voice low he whispered, "Sir, I was under the impression you had the day off, but I must confess that you are a site for sore eyes."

"I altered my plans, George, and I am hoping to take tomorrow off, instead. I was going to ask the Inspector, but I may postpone that for a while."

Looking at the expectant faces surrounding him, Murdoch put his hat on Crabtree's desk, and signaling for silence, he quietly tapped on the door. A muffled groan answered. Carefully, he turned the knob and silently crossed the threshold before just as silently closing it again. This Demonstration of courage filled the men's hearts with pride.

"Sir?" he barely whispered. "Sir?" He spoke to the man slumped over the desk.

Slowly and painfully Brackenreid opened one eye. He was reeling assaulted by the sound of Murdoch's shouting and the glare of the light. He took a deep breath preparing to shout his displeasure when a spasm of pain reduced him into a quivering heap of misery. When the storm passed, he realized that his detective was standing in his office. With super human effort, he managed to croak, "Day off?"

Having organized Brackenreid's rescue and escape through the back of the station, Murdoch stood among the group of constables all clearly expecting something of him. After a few worried seconds, the detective spoke with a clear authority, "Carry on!" In an instant, the station returned to its usual activity level leaving him, ignored, in the middle of the room.

Feeling unaccountably let down, he picked up his hat and made for his office. While he believed he could remember the plan, he decided to write it down, just in case his memory failed him. Removing a sheet of paper from the drawer, and with pen in hand, he added one or two ideas that occurred to him during his ride. Sitting in his chair with a faraway look in his eyes, William was reviewing what he had outlined with a grin curving his lips and his eyes twinkling with impish glee.

It appeared that the once unassailable wall of his moral rectitude had a chink after all, and granite blocks that had built that wall year by year had transformed into ivory dominoes. The first domino had already fallen.

Folding his list, he placed it in an envelope, sealed it, addressed it to himself, and slipped it into the secure inside pocket of his jacket. His more precious, and more personal burden, was the short letter he wrote to Julia. He was hoping to see her when he visited the morgue. Barring that he would entrust the epistle to George and only George to deliver directly into her hands.

With his day unfolding as he hoped, he made his way to the morgue. While he had a legitimate reason for seeing Dr. Grace, he really wasn't concerned about speaking with her. He was acting on the news George had shared earlier. Julia was going to pay a visit to Dr. Grace early this afternoon. Entering the morgue he heard the voices of two women engaged in animated conversation. His presence caught their attention, silencing them instantly.

"Good afternoon, Julia, Dr. Grace."

"Good afternoon, Detective Murdoch." Dr. Grace's flirting tone gave him an inkling of who had been the topic of their whispered conversation.

"William." Julia whispered his name softly, proclaiming her longing and affection the realization of which lightened his heart.

"Dr. Grace, would you please excuse Dr Ogden and me for a moment. I have a very important matter to discuss with her." Convinced she knew what the matter was Dr. Grace simply dipped her head and retreated to the laboratory upstairs. After her steps died away, he looked at Julia for a long time. He was first captivated by the brilliance of her mind and the strength of her character. That she was beautiful was a coincidence, but the sight of her always brightened his day.

Speaking as he walked toward her, he said, "If you don't have plans for this evening I was hoping you would join me for an early picnic early."

"Certainly. I would be delighted. I am doing my marketing later on, so I will pick up a few things."

"Good, I will pick you up at half past five."

He started to walk away, but paused and turned. Taking her in his arms, he whispered in her ear. "Please, do not say anything about this. My heart is in your hands."

With that he kissed her, then quickly walked away.

The station house was quiet again, but Murdoch was keeping his mind occupied with paper work. He had just completed a report on that day's Station activities for Brackenreid and was reaching for the telephone to call the Inspector and ascertain how he fared when the man himself appeared in his office doorway.

"Sir, how are you feeling?" The policeman stood automatically in deference to his superior.

"I'll live." Brackenreid waved Murdoch back down and then eased himself into the chair on the other side of the desk. "You look to be in fine fettle, I must say." His voice was a touch resentful; he was still looking a little delicate. "You were a real life saver today Detective, thank you for giving up your day off."

"Not at all Sir, I was glad to be of use. Truth was, that I had already decided to come in, I was hoping to take tomorrow off instead?"

"That would be fine Murdoch, barring multiple murders we shouldn't need you and I'm not planning on drinking tonight." Brackenreid looked at Murdoch sensing that the Detective still had more to say.

"I am seeing Dr. Ogden this evening." The younger man struggled to maintain his composure but despite his best efforts, he felt himself turning scarlet. Mortified, he began to examine his own hands.

Years of marriage had trained Brackenreid to keep a straight face but he was delighted to see such a reaction to apparently innocent news. He paused to enjoy watching Murdoch squirm and then took pity on him. "Well then William, I hope you have a lovely evening with your sweetheart." With that he stood, nodded to the young man and left the room. Something was definitely afoot and Brackenreid was looking forward to being able to tell the wife.

Heaving a sigh, William left the station and peddled back to his apartment, quickly climbed the stairs, and managed to avoid Mrs. Kitchen in one carefully executed maneuver. He wanted to review his plan for the last time. More importantly he had to make one more decision, and he needed solitude to gather his thoughts.

Keeping his restless hands busy, he began to pack the few things he needed in his valise, setting in on his bed when he was finished. Absently he sat in his armchair as he contemplated the next few hours. His life, until now, had been lonely and somewhat sad, although he didn't think of it in those terms. Never one to indulge in self pity, he did recognized that most of the time he felt disconnected from the world. His good nature and his faith served him well as he navigated the challenges life presented him. His years with the Jesuits proved to be his salvation. It was their diligence that honed is mind and intellect into force to be reckoned with.

Lacking the funds to attend university, he frequently sought knowledge, explanation, and enlightenment in books. In this way he had managed to acquire the equivalent of several college degrees. Whenever he required information on any topic, he would consult with experts in whatever field he was pursuing in order to establish a foundation from which to work. This often took him to the University where most of the faculty happily shared what they knew with him, as well as recommendations for further reading. Those, in turn, directed him to various libraries, and book stores. He employed his skills as a detective to seek out rare or unusual books, and through diligent correspondence, obtained most of what he required. People would have been astounded to see packets arriving for him in the mail bearing stamps of countries all over the world.

Far too modest to say, or even believe, William Murdoch was a man of enormous integrity and strength of character. His innate goodness was bolstered by his moral code, but above all else he was a man of intellectual courage. It would take all of these for him complete the task he had set himself.

He lived the early part of his life adhering faithfully to the Church's teachings. And up until a few years ago, well, since he met Julia, actually, he felt certain that he was living a good, Christian life. However, Julia challenged him. Although she never challenged his belief, she challenged the assumptions underlying many of the Church's teachings, and he had seen for himself the damage that too many pregnancies could visit on a woman and her family. Even though she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and had an abortion, he could not bring himself to condemn her. Society treated unwed mothers and their children cruelly.

He was too kind, too good a man to believe that a child should suffer for its parents' behavior, let alone sins, even though that was the essence of the moral code he believed in. He could not reconcile the two, but he did not want to abandon his faith, he would not abandon it. It was too much a part of him. However, he was a logical person, the Jesuits themselves taught him to be that, and he could see the stark difference between an idealized existence where God's law reigned, and the reality of a world where pain, deprivation, hunger, crime, greed and a host of other sins and woes befell people who had no hope, no way to navigate a treacherous world.

Faced with the naked reality of life, most people had to struggle mightily just to survive. While there were many ills he condemned, he could not bring himself to judge everyone by an ideal very few could live up to. Besides, it was not his place to judge or condemn. That was another thing the Jesuits taught him. So here he was, a grown man facing a real crisis. Talking to a priest would not help he could not receive permission or absolution. This was between God and himself.

How could he make his case? There are reasons and excuses, and he was not a man to make excuses. However, he did have reasons, reasons that justified this step as far as he was concerned. They loved each other, of that there could be no doubt. There was no possibility of a child being conceived, of creating another life for which to feel responsible. What's more, he didn't believe that procreation was the only justification for intercourse. It didn't make sense based on everything he had learned. Besides, he had behaved properly, did not succumb to temptation, and almost lost her forever

So it came down to this, he was about to commit a sin, not a mortal sin, but a sin nevertheless. Now he had to decide if he was willing to commit this sin for her. He didn't have to think about that for an instant, of course he was. He genuflected before the Virgin's statue, crossed himself, rosary in hand and began to pray..He knelt in front of the Virgin's statue, prayed, and said the rosary. Without hesitation, he picked up his valise, and walked out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Julia left the morgue barely giving herself time to tell Emily good-bye. Her carriage conveyed her to first on shop and then another until she was satisfied she had everything she needed. Once she returned home, she dumped her parcels on the kitchen table and hurried to the parlor where she sat breathing slowly. Her hands trembled. Never had he kissed her like that, with so much longing, with so much promise. Carefully she opened the note and read.

"My dearest Julia, I apologize for not trusting myself or my feelings. I know it has caused us both unnecessary pain and precious time. I hope to rectify that tonight. Whatever happens, know that I have no life without you, no joy, no hope, no love. You are everything to me.

Forever, William"

She sat quite still for several minutes, letting the certainty that he meant every word wash over her. Then she read it again, and one more time. She reassessed her feelings. Relief, certainly, she was so afraid she was losing him. Gratitude that he sensed her desperation as well has his own. Almost reverently, she slipped the note back into its envelope.

A smile spread over her face and soon she was laughing and crying at the same time. She jumped up and danced around the room. Smiling, she gathered herself and walked into the kitchen, humming as she un-wrapped her parcels. Making her selections carefully, she packed the basket with meat pies, cheese, pickles, bread, fruit and wine, so she would be ready when he arrived.

Scurrying up the stairs, Julia went into her study, and pulled a large volume from its hiding place in the window seat. She looked at it considering the implications of what she was contemplating. A few minutes later, she nodded and carried the book to her room, placing it on the bed. She spent several more minutes looking at her wardrobe before selecting what to wear. She chose simple dress in his favorite shade of blue, but decided against wearing jewelry, and after piling her hair on top of her head, she flew down the stairs to greet him.


	2. Chapter 2

_I must apologize for posting the last chapter incorrectly. I'll figure it out in time. _

_I also apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. I hate it when life intrudes on my leisure activities._

_Another huge thank you to FiBeeN and LemmingDancer for their continuing support and advice. These are two very special women._

_Thank you to everyone who took time to review the last chapter. I appreciate your comments._

Before he knew it the carriage was pulling up in front of Julia's house. On the ride over he was surprised to find that he was able to relax and sitting back he let his mind wander—not surprisingly it wandered to Julia. He found it difficult to articulate the connection that bound them, but it was strong and it was forever of that he was certain. It was the here and now that was worrying him, but he was pretty sure he knew where they had gone off track and repairing that rift was what he hoped to accomplish tonight.

"Good evening, Julia." He stepped into the entry hall setting his valise on the table. Her forehead wrinkled with curiosity.

"This is my valise. I brought a little surprise for later." His moment of awkwardness caught her attention and as though she sensed the importance of this evening she fell victim to rare cases of nerves with butterflies seeming to have taken up residence in her stomach. Needing to hold him, she walked into his arms pressing him close to her; he kissed her tenderly then slowly and gently took her face in his hands gazing into her eyes. At that moment the magic that sometimes happens to people in love worked its charms on him revealing a new world to him, a world of possibilities he had never considered. In an instant he abandoned his plan.

"Julia, I know we looking forward to going on a picnic this evening, but the weather is so unpredictable this time of year I'm worried that it might get a little chilly. Would you mind if we stayed here and enjoyed our picnic in the parlor? "

Surprise and delight shone in her face, "Why yes, William, I think that is a splendid idea. We can stay here, nice and cozy by the fire."

"That's what I thought, too. If you'll excuse me for just a moment I'll dismiss the carriage." He still could change his mind, he knew, but somehow everything he planned suddenly felt wrong. His failure to act on his feelings had cost him dearly in the past when his reliance on cool logic failed him. Tonight, he was going to listen to the feelings that he too often ignored. Tonight would be different.

Julia had been busy in the short time he was out of the house having pushed the sofa back to make room for the blanket in front of the fireplace. Now she was gathering pillows from furniture placing them in two piles on the blanket. "Will you build a fire? I think we are going to need it this evening."

Over the seven years of their acquaintance, William had built many fires here and it was with practiced hands that he began to assemble the wood and kindling so the fire would catch quickly. While he was occupied with that, Julia began to unpack the picnic basket. Turning from his labors, William smiled and quickly took a place next to the basket.

Emptying the picnic basket had become something of a tradition for them, and he enjoyed it. While chatting about this and that, he was busy sneaking tastes from packets and dishes before she had a chance to arranged them on a tray. Of course when he packed the picnic, she did all the sneaking and tasting. It was one of those completely silly things that help bond people together, and he took a special pleasure in playing the game with her.

She sat fidgeting for a few moments and with a frustrated sigh said, "If you don't mind, I'm going to remove my shoes; I just can't seem to find a comfortable position with them on."

"That is a splendid idea, Julia. I think I'll join you." The next few minutes they spent removing their shoes and making themselves comfortable amid the pillows.

"I think we should have all our picnics like this, William. We don't have to worry about the weather, or insects or soccer balls landing in our plates." They laughed at the memory of the day a soccer ball came careening out of nowhere and crashed right in the middle of his plate. Food splattered everywhere, but the best part, as far as she was concerned, was large dollop of mustard that festooned his forehead. She collapsed with laughter and he tried, but failed to keep a straight face. When the kicker of the wayward sphere approached the couple his trepidation evaporated finding them in the throes of uncontrollable laughter. Bright lad that he was, he simply grabbed the ball and fled.

Enjoying the new alternative to dining alfresco, they entertained each other recalling various small catastrophes that befell their numerous picnics often setting them off on fits of giggles.

Once they had finished their meal, the couple sat back very comfortable and cozy. Judging the time was right, William took the opportunity to introduce a more serious subject. "Do you remember the night we tested Absinthe?"

Slowly, subtly, her expression lost the glow of happiness and she looked at him with frightened eyes. Her discomfort worried him so in an effort to reassure her he took her in his arms. "I know there are unhappy associations with that evening, Julia, but I think it essential that we look at the ramifications of what happened that night."

"What good will it do to rehash all of that? It was so long ago."

Wanting to ease her anxiety he joked, "For something to be rehashed, it first has to be hashed, don't you think?"

His teasing tone quieted her nerves. "Whatever are you talking about, William?"

"We have never really talked about that night and the day after, and it is my belief that it was then everything went wrong for us. After that we became estranged, both of us making decisions that nearly kept us apart forever. Julia, I have thought about those events quite a bit, and I am convinced that even now, they are reverberating through our lives and they are preventing us from moving forward."

"But it was so many years ago, how can it be effecting us in the present?"

"Well, I can tell you how it has affected me. From the first moment I saw you I knew our lives were linked in a profound way, but that night I discovered that you were the one woman I wanted more than I had ever wanted a woman in my life. In the weeks that followed I tried to convince myself that it was the Green Fairy playing tricks on me, but I have revisited that night many times, Julia, and I know it is true. If you hadn't stopped me, things would have turned out very differently.

"How can you say that, William? In your eyes I committed a sin and you could never forget that."

"No, I was surprised when you first told me, of course I was. But regardless of the choices you had made, you were still, in my eyes, the woman I love, the woman I want to spend my life with, the woman who makes my heart sing, and the woman I want to hold in my arms forever. That is what I saw then and it is what I see now.

"You are one of the most moral people I know. You hold yourself to unbelievably high standards and your personal code of ethics is unassailable. Most of all, you are the kindest most caring person I have ever known. I have faith in you Julia, and when you made that decision your reasons had to be compelling, and I have faith that you made the only decision you could. I have never blamed you and I never judged you."

Desperately she searched his face for any indication he was not being completely honest, but all she found was his clear gaze filled with love and compassion. A huge sigh of relief escaped her as she threw her arms around him. Long since a mistress of multitasking, she laughed, and cried, and covered his face with kisses. She simply could not sit still, so she jumped up and paced to the entry hall and back, paused then repeated the journey. Her smile was brilliant the tears that glistened on her cheeks looked like tiny sparkling stars. He stood watching and reveling in her newfound joy as she jumped around like a little girl. That was one of the things he loved so much, the joyful child in her that was always just below the surface waiting to pop out and declare her love of life. It always gladdened his heart to see it and he found it delightful.

She must have been reading his mind because she threw her arms around his neck she laughed, "I know I'm behaving like a schoolgirl, but you have no idea what a weight you have taken from me. Oh William I am so happy. Thank you for telling me and thank for making me listen to you. I never was able to let myself even hope that you could overlook what I did…"He stopped her from finishing the sentence by the simple expedient of covering her mouth with his lips. His kiss took her breath away, and standing in his embrace she marveled at how she had gone from despairing he would never forgive her, to knowing that he had never stopped loving her, and all in a matter of minutes.

"William, I have never wanted to even think about Absinthe since that night, but for some reason, I would love to have some now."

"Well, Dr. Ogden you are in luck." After retrieving the bottle from his valise her returned, his face alight with happiness, as he showed her the bottle. "Oh William, did you plan for this to happen?"

"Well yes and no. Let me put it this way this isn't is not the way I expected the evening to unfold. I'll make the drinks and I'll tell you all about it." While he retrieved the paraphernalia he required for the Green Fairy, Julia tidied away the remains of their picnic, stopping only to kiss the man who had just made her so happy as she passed him on the way to the kitchen. When she returned to the parlor, she was delighted to see the result of his preparation.

"A tribute to the Green Fairy," he said, his sweeping gesture indicating the tray he had prepared. He had assembled everything he needed to perform the ritual, a bottle of Absinthe, Absinthe glasses, an Absinthe spoon, sugar cubes and a flask of ice cold water.

Julia leaned against the sofa and watched William working the tray. It was as if the first time her unburdened mind and joyous heart had really seen him. _Why was it, _she wondered, _haven't I noticed the grace apparent in his movements?_ His precision and the ease with which he performed the rite was something of a revelation to her. As he poured the Absinthe in the glass, she looked at his delicate movements as he laid the spoon on the glass, put the sugar cube on the spoon, and then dripped the ice water over the sugar cube. As ever she was enchanted by the alchemy that transformed the clear, dark liquid into an opaque, pale elixir.

Smiling he returned to the pillows with their drinks. After a moment she said, "I am so sorry for the years we lost. If only I had known."

"You are not to blame for any of that, Julia. The important thing is that despite whatever or whoever has tried to keep us apart they failed, and in spite of it all we managed to find our way back to each other. Now that we are together again I hope we don't repeat the same mistake that has kept us apart.

"What mistake is that William?"

"I think that for too long we have been overly solicitous of each other's feelings and not honest enough about our own, and that almost destroyed us. Instead we should honor the love we have fought so hard to preserve and trust each other more to understand."

"Yes, I see what you mean. I should have given you a chance to consider things after I told you about the abortion. Instead I assumed you would hate me for it, but as you say, we never discussed it, so I didn't know. I felt like a wounded animal, but it was all my imagination. Oh William thank you for not giving up on me. I see now that I have let my concern for what I assumed your feelings were get in the way of telling you what I honestly feel. I will not let that happen again."

"Well in that case I have something else to tell you if you can stand another revelation tonight."

Her eyes looked at him with steady, open curiosity, but he saw no indication of fear.

"It is only fair that you know you have not been the only one imprisoned by misguided beliefs and untrue assumptions. I have had my share of laboring under mistaken ideas that have prevented me from acting as I should have."

"I have struggled with this for a long time, Julia; I was hesitant to broach the subject and the truth is I have come to regret that. This is not easy for me. I know we are both adults and you are a doctor, but when I decided I had to tell you, I was, and still am, terrified. I've had to search my feelings and my beliefs to arrive at this point, but you must know that I have made my decision and am at peace with it, and you deserve to know why I have been so reluctant."

"Please tell me, William."

"You are right about my views on premarital relations. They were drummed into me by the Jesuits, and they are very good at their jobs. As a Catholic, I believed absolutely all the Church's teachings to be unequivocal. Over the years you have taught me that that is not necessarily the case." No longer able to sit still, he stood and paced in front of the fireplace gesturing with the drink he held in his hand. "Julia, did you ever receive any instruction on, mm, intimate behavior at school?"

"Excuse me?" She almost choked. Then she giggled. "Are you referring to sex education? Well I suppose, I am a doctor after all."

"No I meant as a young woman in school."

"Well, I remember a rather vague and completely uninformative speech about monthly cycles, but that's about it. Why do you ask?"

"We certainly didn't. The only thing I think I learned was that sex before marriage was a sin." Then more quietly, "And I learned that very well."

He took a deep breath and tried again. "As you know, I was engaged to Liza."

"Yes."

"She was raised a very strict Catholic just as I was. We were very much in love, and I was expecting our life together to be one of learning about each other and discovering, well, how to love."

"Certainly, that is part of marriage. It takes time to find …"

"No, that's not what I mean!" He sat down and buried his head in his hands and groaned. "This is awful"

"What are trying to tell me?"

"When Liza and I were engaged, we agreed not to have, mm, intimate relations until we were married. We were both raised to believe that was the only proper way to behave. So the fact that I wasn't necessarily well informed didn't particularly matter. I thought we'd figure it out as we went along."

Hiccup

"William, are you trying to tell me that you have never been with a woman?"

"Yes. That is exactly what I am telling you." Sitting, he buried his head in his hands wishing he were an ostrich. In his Green Fairy induced haze he wasn't sure if he was embarrassed or angry, or both. He had no idea what her reaction would be so he waited in silence remaining quite still. It was one thing to talk about being honest, quite another to follow through.

After just a moment, she knelt in front of him, enfolding him in her arms whispering, "William, I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to tell me that. It means more to me than you can ever know that you chose to share this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

Relief swept over him like a tidal wave. He held her close to him saying a silent prayer of thanks.

She searched his face and was relieved to see that a certain kind of serenity seemed to have settled over him. Suspecting that he might have more to discuss, she held her glass out asking him to prepare another. Kissing her on the cheek he resumed his place at the drinks tray. This time he was a little wobbly, she noticed, but she didn't think that was necessarily a bad thing tonight.

"May I ask you something William?"

"Of course."

"Weren't you ever tempted?"

"Tempted, yes. I am aware there are a variety of ways men can gain experience, but none of them ever appealed to me. I just couldn't make myself, not with a woman I did not love or had no intention of ever seeing again. It just wasn't right.

"I'm curious, why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, I wanted you to know before we got married."

"Why before?"

"Because I wanted you to know what to expect, or rather not to expect. I don't want our wedding night to be marred by my hesitancy. I don't want to disappoint you."

"Oh William, you could never disappoint me."

"How can you be certain?"

"Because I know you William, and I know that you excel at whatever you put your mind to. As a physician I can attest to your excellent health and physical condition, both of which are essential to a healthy and vigorous sex life." She almost slapped her hand over her mouth as she realized how candidly she had spoken and was relieved when she glanced at him and saw a surprised, but amused, smile on his face. "Then of course there is the evidence of your kisses which really are quite wonderful. "

"While I am gratified you think so highly of my kisses, it is my understanding that there is more to it than that." The voice in the back of his said reassuringly, _William, you're going to be just fine_, but the message seemed to obscure a sound he couldn't quite make out. Had he paid closer attention to the soft noise he might have recognized it as the sound of dominoes falling. As it was his concern for the next few hours had become less worrisome and more anticipatory, or perhaps this was due to the green fog that was beginning to surround him. In either case he began to believe that everything would work out.

Julia on the other hand, completely unaware of the goings on in his brain, smiled to herself. _Oh yes, my dear William, there is much more to it than kissing, and I have a feeling you are going to be rather good at it_. She looked forward to the remainder of the evening with renewed interest because she knew what he was going to do. Not only did it warm her heart to know he was worried about his performance, it charmed her in a she could not explain.

The placid look on his face convinced her that the Absinthe was having the desired affect and that he was feeling quite relaxed if the bemused grin on his face was any indication. She sipped her drink thinking of how to approach the next item on the evening's agenda. Her world had certainly been turned upside down so she could only imagine what he was going through. It had not been easy for him but he had the integrity and the courage to face his fears. The least she could do was help him and given his current state of inebriation, and after considering several options she decided that a direct approach would be best.

"William, if you could ask me about anything concerning women, what would your question be?"

###########################################################################################

_*Absinthe is often called the Green Fairy and figured prominently in MM S2 Ep5 _The Green Muse_ which is the genesis of this fic._

_It is a distilled spirit made with wormwood and a variety of herbs. Both fennel and anise give Absinthe its distinctive flavor that varies in intensity by maker. At one time it was thought to cause hallucinations because wormwood contains thujone a powerful psychotropic, and because of this has been banned at one time or another in most European countries as well as the U. S. and Canada, among others. Interestingly, it was never banned in Australia. Now that it has been proved to be safe today Absinthe is available where other liquor is sold._

_It was wildly popular in 19__th__ and early 20__th__ century Europe where several rituals around serving and drinking Absinthe developed. Many of these rituals highlight the spirit's transformation from a clear dark green to an opalescent light green liquid. Called the louche effect, it is a chemical reaction which occurs when ice cold water is added slowly to the spirit. The method described here is the French method which includes a specially shaped glass, a special spoon that looks more like a small, perforated pie server, and a sugar cube whose sweetness offsets any bitterness. It is potent, anywhere from 90 to 140 proof, so beware._

_**I have no information regarding workers' contracts in 19__th__ century lumbering._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you to everyone in the Murdoch Mysteries universe._

_This is the final chapter in this fic, and thank you to everyone who read this story and were kind enough to leave reviews. _

_Once again, I acknowledge my debt to FiBeeN and LemmingDancer for their support, advice and encouragement._

_I hope this turns out the way you wanted it to._

"Hmm." His contented sigh was ample evidence that he enjoyed floating in the green fog that surrounded him and this was due to the fact that nothing seemed very important there. Of course he did have to decide what question to ask Julia about women, and it posed a challenge for him. After all "women" was a vast category in the first place and having to choose just one question was all but impossible.

Facial contortions and soft murmurings indicated to her that his mind was struggling mightily, but so far his efforts failed to deliver the one query he so desperately sought. Several moments of quiescence led her to suspect he may have fallen asleep but just as she was about to repeat the question, he announced triumphantly "I have it!" causing her to jump approximately three feet straight up. After collecting herself and taking several deep steadying breaths she was prepared to answer as candidly as she could, whatever aspect of womanhood he would inquire about. "And what is the question you want to ask, William?"

"Why do women wear corsets?"

"Corsets."

"Yes."A sweet smile graced his lips.

"What exactly do you want to know about corsets?" Clearly she needed some time to readjust her thinking. She had feared some rather delicate anatomical question or even something about, well, technique, but never, never would she have thought he would ask about corsets!

"Well, I've seen them in shop windows. That's why I posed the question." Judging by the self-satisfied smirk now plastered on his face he was apparently quite proud of himself and his query.

"You see, Julia, it is almost impossible to ignore the displays in certain shop windows that one passes in the course of normal day. While they are generally artistically arranged, I haven't been able to discern the function of the variety of styles I have noticed. Having no personal experience with corsets I thought to ask someone who did. And you are that someone." Playfully, he tapped the tip of her nose with his index finger.

"William will you excuse me for a moment?"

"Of course I will."

Quickly she ran upstairs returning from her bedroom with a strange looking bundle. "William, this is a corset."

These words Immediately capturing his attention. He sat up and taking the garment from her he bagan a close examination of its intricacies. His first observation was that it was unpleasant to hold; it was stiff and unwieldy. "What purpose do these strips serve?"

"Those are the stays and they are what shape my body so I can wear fashionable clothes." It sounded awful when she said it out loud.

"Does your shape require correction, Julia?"

"No, of course it doesn't." she snapped. "That is to say," moderating her tone, "dresses are constructed in a particular way and wearing a corset shapes my body so that I can wear them to their best advantage."

Complete and utter lack of comprehension caused him to stare blankly at her. "Julia, that makes no sense whatsoever."

"It all has to do with style and fashion. One of the most important aspects of fashion is the woman's silhouette, and a corset helps create that silhouette."

"But what is wrong with your own silhouette?"

"Nothing as far as I'm aware."

"Then why do you wear this thing?"

Out of a sense of complete exasperation she told him to stand up.

"Certainly. May I ask why?"

"So I can show you what I'm talking about."

She took his hands and placed them at her waist. "Do you feel how stiff and rigid that is?"

"Well yes."

"Run your hands over the surface of my dress."

Doing as instructed his brow furrowed. "I never noticed those ridges whenever I've held you on previous occasions. Why is that?"

"I'm not certain," she lied. This was not the time to go into the multiple layers of undergarments she wore.

"Now look at the way my dress is fitted over the corset. It creates a smooth, straight line defining my silhouette."

"Yes I understand what you are saying, but I do not understand why you wear this contraption. You are a sensible woman Julia and I cannot comprehend how you would let yourself be encased in one of these things for the sake of something as frivolous as style."

Even more than the enlightenment awaiting him later in the evening, William was about to be introduced to one of the most profound experiences that make brothers of married men the world over. Julia just looked at him with that sad, exasperated smile and with a slight shake of her head that told him although he may be considered a genius by many, he was, in fact, totally clueless. And then, to drive the point home she skillfully changed the subject. "William, will you please make us another Absinthe?"

All of that thinking had cleared his foggy mind just enough for him to realize he had somehow been bested in a contest he didn't know he was engaged in. This situation alerted the Green Fairy that she was losing her influence over his consciousness, and neither she nor Julia wanted him to be in full possession of his faculties, not just yet anyway. So the request for another drink served both their purposes. William, ever the gentleman, graciously agreed to make the drinks and upon discovering he required more ice water made his way through the kitchen to the larder.

So it was he found himself at the old ice box jabbing an innocent block of ice in an effort to free the chips he required. As he wielded the ice pick his mind reviewed the evening's events, finding that all in all, he was quite pleased with the way things were going. He had managed the first challenge with some grace although Julia's acceptance and understanding played a large part in that. He was actually not dreading his next challenge, and anticipation of that even caused a devilish grin to curl his lips. By the time he put the ice and water into the flask he was smiling so broadly that he didn't even notice that dominoes falling.

While carrying their drinks back to the blanket something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. As he bent to investigate what it was, Julia cried, "Oh that was supposed to be a surprise, William." Carrying the large book that she had secreted at the end of the sofa he took his seat next to her, and leaning back placed the volume in his lap.

His eyes were twinkling, and using his best William-the-Detective voice said, "Where exactly did you acquire this, young lady?"

"You aren't going to arrest me, are you?"

He chuckled, "Well if I did, you would have a cell mate, but my copy is far inferior to this one."

Quickly she closed her mouth which had flown open at his last remark. "You have a copy of the _Kama Sutra_?"

"Yes, and a few other texts you might find interesting."

"William?"

"Yes, Julia."

"Why do you have these, publications?"

"Why do you think I have them Julia?" His voice was a little thick, but his playful tone was unmistakable.

"Well, I can't imagine you seeking illicit self-gratification." He raised an eyebrow. "Knowing you, you were probably doing research for some reason."

"Well, I can't say that your first assumption is accurate, but I can say that your second one is."

She shook her head slowly as she beheld this man with new eyes. He chuckled at her expression which spoke volumes.

"I am a flesh and blood man, you know."

Suddenly and unaccountably she flushed bright red. "I can't explain why, but I am shocked."

"That I am a flesh and blood man? And I thought you were a doctor." He said grinning. "And I might add that you are going to have to get used to it." His wink was downright audacious.

Taken completely off guard, she whooped with laughter. "You are just full of surprises tonight."

"I seem to be."

"So what do you propose we do now?"

"Get comfortable, get drunk and follow instructions."

Another shock to her system. Where has this William been all these years?

"William you're serious."

"I am indeed, and I haven't forgotten that you have not told me how you acquired this."

"How do you think? Ruby bought it the last time she was in India, and she was so proud of herself getting it past customs, thinking she was quite daring."

"Then she is fortunate her sister knows a member of the Toronto Constabulary who is willing to turn a blind eye to her importation of illicit and immoral literature."

Sipping their drinks, they spent a very pleasant hour perusing the volume, reading the text, and marveling at the illlustrations. By now they were cuddled together, the book resting on both their laps affording them equal access to the pages. They took turns reading some of the beautiful passages and pointing out the truly exquisite illustrations every now tilting their heads left then right in an effort to interpret the images on the pages. Giggles and bad puns accompanied these latter activities, and more than once William declared that "No human body could possibly bend that way."

A giant yawn split her face and as so often is the case, he followed suit. "I am tired, let's go to bed," she managed to say before another yawn attacked her.

"We should clean this up first."

"I suppose you're right."

Together, they gathered what few dishes and the remains of their picnic and took it all to the kitchen. William rinsed off the dishes promising to wash them in the morning and in a matter of minutes they finished tidying up and passing through the entry, William retrieved his valise.

Smiling at him she teased "You were determined tonight, weren't you?"

"You have no idea."

Stepping behind the privacy screen she busied herself performing some mysterious feminine rite he had no doubt. He was fiddling with the contents of his valise and wasting time in general. "You can hang your clothes in the wardrobe," she suggested climbing into bed. A small feeling of panic began to grow in his stomach. "Won't you have another?" she asked holding the green bottle in the air. "You can drink it neat."

"I think I will." Crossing the room, he poured the Absinthe and downed it in one gulp to which his body took grave exception. Tears streaming from his eyes and his inability to breathe clearly indicated that he had desecrated the temple that was his body. Sitting on the edge of the bed he took a few critical minutes to assure himself that the damage he inflicted on said temple would not prove fatal, in spite of his body's protestations. He discovered that the better part of valor would be to remain still until the aftershocks subsided. At last the most excruciating pain subsided and he was able to stand and walk, which he considered minor miracles.

Having survived the self inflicted agony of Absinthe searing his esophagus, he managed to walk to the wardrobe where he unbuttoned his shirt and hung it in the closet. His mind, having decided to record every detail of the evening's events, noted his movement and kept up a running commentary in his head. Still stalling, he sat in her reading chair where he removed his socks, then walking back to the wardrobe he assessed the situation. Wearing his undershirt, trousers, and drawers was not so bad as Julia had seen him like this before, so he did not feel uncomfortable but the next step was another matter entirely.

Taking a few deep breaths, and trying not be obvious about it, he stood in front of the wardrobe removing his trousers, thinking to himself that undressing was quite cumbersome and inelegant. Having made the decision to keep his underwear on until he got to the bed he turned and stopped in his tracks.

There on the bed lay Julia completely nude. She was glorious. Her golden hair framed her face while her smile and sparkling eyes teased him as she lay perfectly still. _Oh, dear God, she is exquisite!_ He swallowed hard as his eyes scanned the vision before him, noting that even in his wildest fantasies he never imagined her to be this sublime. Breasts that were full and firm raised and fell with her breathing, while her flat belly and beautifully curved hips were nothing less than perfection. The small patch of hair at the bottom of her belly between her legs promised wonders he had only dreamed about and her long limbs beckoned him to her. Having no memory of how it happened he found himself in bed, naked and holding her in his arms.

Savoring the feeling of her body touching his and the sweet perfume of her skin was more intoxicating even than the Absinthe. Unanticipated, he found the contact of their naked bodies to be pleasurable beyond anything he could have imagined. Taking a moment to slow his heart rate, he simply held her to him, but that did nothing to stem the tide that had begun growing within him and when she drew him closer the pressure of her breasts against his chest was almost more than he could take.

Julia, wise woman that she was, kissed him deeply and guided him on top of her as she opened her legs to him. "Yes," she whispered. His first thrust was tentative, is second less so, and within seconds they were moving together in a joyful harmony. Her cry and his moan signaled their release at almost the same instant. She held him close to her not wanting to feel his weight leave her body but inevitably he shifted to lie beside her.

Brushing her hair from her face, he tenderly rearranged each tress smiling contentedly as his fingers traced the planes of her face. She spent her time charting his muscles with practiced hands while she breathed in his exhilarating scent. Her lips attracted him not only for their softness, but also their sweet taste which is what he intended to savor with his kiss but in the next instant his tongue thrust into her mouth delighting her with his unexpected skill. She responded with hands clutching his body pulling him closer to her. Needing no invitation this time he thrust effortlessly into her as they soon settled into a slow luxurious rhythm. Time stopped, everything fell away and they were aware only of their bodies' leisurely motions melding them together in pursuit of but one desire. His cry announced his exquisite climax followed in seconds by the guttural moan that heralded her blazing orgasm.

They did not move for several long moments waiting for the tremors that quaked through their bodies to subside. Not wanting to lose contact she clung to him as he shifted to her side. And so it was that side by side, fact to face, they lay quietly contented. His beautiful smiling eyes filled with love, wonder, and gratitude told her everything she needed to know, all she ever wanted to know and for the rest of their lives whenever they recalled the memory of this night, he would swear the she positively glowed with love and happiness.

Without speaking another word they simply enjoyed the close presence of the other, as gentle kisses and soft caresses expressed all that needed to be said. The evening had been momentous for both of them, and soon their bodies submitted to the demand for slumber. As he began to drift toward a deep and dreamless sleep, the Green Fairy bestowed one final gift on him-the last thing he remembered before the blackness was the sound of the final domino clattering as it fell.

_************************************************************************************************************************************8_

_*Corsets have been around for over 500 years. Depending on which source one consults, the corset is described as a harmless, though vital, fashion accessory on the one side, or an instrument of subjugation on the other. Even the most pro-corset writers concede that corsets worn incorrectly, i.e. too tightly tied, have been responsible for death and many serious disorders such as the atrophy of back muscles leaving the spine susceptible to fractures when the corset is not worn._

_For the record, corsets were never made with whale bone. They are made from the baleen of whales that filter sea water through the baleen which is comprised of shafts of keratin that hang from the roof of the whale's mouth and through which sea water is strained. Almost everything made of baleen is erroneously referred to as whalebone._

_**The _Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana_ is a much maligned and misunderstood work. The short version is it is an erotic text, but not a pornographic one._

_These are the bare bones of the story: Sir Richard Burton, 19__th__ century British Renaissance man, translated the Kama Sutra into English. His translation was by no means perfect but who cared, it had pictures, which drove the Victorians nuts. Once the book was published, pirated copies showed up everywhere. Of course nobody bothered to read the text, such as it was, the result being it was branded pornography, maligned far and wide, but nevertheless is said to be the most published book in the world. (I have no data to support the last claim.)_

_It is not just about sex, as Wendy Doniger, of the University of Chicago states: __''The Kama Sutra is about pleasure in a much broader sense - good food and good drink, wearing beautiful silk clothing, going on picnics, listening to good music.'' __If you read a good translation, like Doniger's, you will get the idea. But the most telling lines come from the book itself:_

_"The man who is well-taught and expert in this text, pays attention to religion and power;_

_He does not indulge himself too much in passion, and so he succeeds when he plays the part of a lover."_


End file.
